Friday, February 27, 2009

My heart is broken.

I always knew one day he would retire. Every year I was hoping it wouldn't happen. He hasn't retired. It's worse.


I am beyond pissed off. I am heart broken.

No OO-EH this time,
Kal El

In dedication of my hero, here is his highlight clip of his career with the Philadelphia Eagles, probably the best career for a safety in NFL history.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Bitch, get off of your high horse.

To be honest, this is another "Grind My Gears" session. So this should really be, "What Really Grinds My Gears Session 12." But I figured I have done too many in the past few posts, so I'll change it up a bit. Plus I thought this title would draw more attention.


...You know what really grinds my gears? People that are on their high horse, especially with no particular reason. It all started about a year and a half ago. A few weeks, maybe a month, before I moved back to Grand Blanc from Ann Arbor, my friend started "dating" this girl. Now I put that in quotations because myself and other friends could never figure out what exactly they were and they never gave us straight answers. But anyway...

...this girl is pretty much, well....a bitch. She annoys the hell out of me. But since I've known her, my friend has been "dating/infatuated" with her, so I've always bit my tongue, and sometimes, as some of you know, is kind of hard for me. Lately, she has really, REALLY, pissed me off to the point where I almost burst with anger and bitch her out so bad that she would look like such a fucking idiot that she would never be able to show her face around anyone who was there to witness the rant and possibly any of her friends because it would be such an epic rant that people would be talking about it for years. But, being a good friend, I continue to hold my tongue.

To give you a bit of a description of her, she doesn't have a mind of her own. She is a republican. She is obsessed with Lil' Wayne(which should be a reason to hate her, but, we won't get into that). She is OBSESSED with diet and exercise, although she wolfs down food like it actually has legs and is about to run away. For example, my friend, her and her friend went to see "Friday the 13th"(which I loved). I was the only one to get popcorn. For some odd reason that I can't even begin to think of, she sat next to me. Surprisingly, I was able to actually watch the movie despite her tapping me every 5 seconds, saying "Resh, can I just get ONE more handful of popcorn, I swear it's my last." This cunt(Yes, I said cunt) did this about 15 times during the movie. I almost got up and yelled, "TAKE THE FUCKING POPCORN! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP" But, being the good friend I am, I didn't. And did I mention, her opinions are always, ALWAYS, right and there is no possible argument, not even in you have UNDENIABLE PROOF!, that will win against her. Whatever she says is "right." If she said the world is flat and you tried to argue with her, although you and everyone in the room knew you were right, you would just want to rip your fucking hair out, poke your eyes out, and be given the world's most epic titty twister just to be able to take your mind off of her mind numbing ignorance.

Now, those of you that know me, know that I LOVE sports and am obsessed with sports medicine and everything there is to know about getting in shape. From what is the healthiest, to what is the least healthiest way to get in shape. Well, one night, she tells us this new diet her and her friend(extremely gorgeous, I mean perfect) are going on. I, in a friendly manner, put in my 2 cents about the diet. I even stated that I had no problem with them going on the diet, because it was none of my business, I was just trying to help them out. Well, she takes this as an opportunity to argue with me and tell me that she is right, I am wrong, end of discussion. OK, I can let this slide. Barely, but I can let this slide.

BUT! This bitch crossed the line the other night(but, again, for my friend, I bit my tongue. Which I wish I didn't because I swear I wanted to make this bitch wish she never lived. You guys will understand because it has to do with you). I, one night, started to talk about our camp, Wewabeca, which I mentioned to all of my friends before. Well, one night, I told them the exciting news about us getting our first camper. And the first thing this STUPID BITCH asked me was....

"What is the name of your camp?"

"Wewabeca, it means, We WAnt A BEtter CAmp."

Well, apparently I just made a joke. Because her and her stuck up friend thought it was hilarious and just kept laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing(You'd think I'd over do it with the "and laughing" but no, this is how much they laughed.) Even my friend, who always takes things light hearted and lets things roll off his shoulder, thought this was fucked up. They wouldn't even let me get a word in after that. Wouldn't let me explain what we were about, what we were trying to do, nothing.

Given my year long history of holding my tongue with all the ignorant, retarded shit she says ALL THE TIME! I finally snapped. Unfortunately, for you guys, I'm not going to put that rant on there because, well, it was more of a blind rage so I don't really remember what I said to her, I just remember the priceless look on her face after I was done. It was one of those "OMG, I like, can't believe someone actually talked like that to me." It felt great, amazing. I was so happy to get a year's worth of frustration out on this worthless cum rag of a person. I hate her. I hate her with a passion. She is one of those people that you hate SO MUCH that you actually would rather have bad things happen to yourself, than good things happen to her. That is how much I hate her. I would rather be hit by a bus and paralyzed from the waste down than have her win the lottery. I hate her, hate her. She's a bitch.

But, being spiteful isn't my thing, that's why I have a blog. So, after I hit the "Publish Post" button, I will forget about this and give this girl a clean slate...That's just the way I am.

Kal El

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Superman the Slam Dunk Contest...

...but loses.

Last year when Dwight Howard did his "Superman" dunk he has been called Superman since. This year in the Slam Dunk Contest, he came out of a phone booth dress in a Superman cape to the Superman theme and dunked on a 12 foot rim(regulation is 10 ft.) easily. But didn't win.

Why didn't he win? Nate Robinson beat him. Dwight Howard is 6'11". Nate Robinson is 5'9". How did Nate Robinson win it? He finished by dunking over top of the 6'11" Dwight Howard while he was wearing his Superman cape. Nate Robinson went in the back to change before his dunk and came out in a green New York Knicks uniform, with green shoes, a green arm sleeve and in the final round, a green ball. He dunked over Dwight using the green ball and called himself "Kryptonate" instead of Kryptonite. And won. Here it is.

First, Dwight Howard's dunk from last year to get dubbed "Superman"

Now, this years from Nate Robinson:(it starts at about 1:09, remember, 5'9" over 6'11")

I love the Slam Dunk Contest now that they have Superman themes.

Kal El

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

What really grinds my gears....Session 10.

You know what really grinds my gears? LADY BUGS! I FUCKING HATE LADY BUGS!!!

I remember being a kid and people telling me if I saw a lady bug, it was good luck. They were pretty rare and a delight to see. Now-a-days it seems like these little assholes are EVERYWHERE! It's annoying. I hate them. I already hate bugs, but especially hate nosey bugs. These little fuckers will just crawl on anything they can crawl on and multiply and multiply no matter how many I kill. I hate them. Some of these bastards even bite. How could anyone EVER think these ugly pieces of shit were good luck? If they were good luck then I would have won the lottery or struck oil or something like that by now. But nope, I'm broke and oilless. Fuck these things. I am putting out a hit on EVERY lady bug you see. If you see it, kill that fucker. Even go out of your way to kill the fuckers if you have to. Now, I already stated I was broke, so there will be no money reward for each lady bug you kill, just do it because they are annoying.

Has anyone else noticed the increase in the population of lady bugs lately? And by lately I mean past year or so. It's annoying, bugs are gross. I'm done.

Kal El

Monday, February 16, 2009

What really grinds my gears....Session 9.

It's back. It's been a while. A lot of things since my last session have certainly caused my gears to grind, but not enough for a post. But now, I do have something.

Warning: This post is about video games.

You know what really grinds my gears? Halo 3 and the dumb people that make it, Bungie. I really hope they read this and fix all the mistakes I am about to point out.

For starters, spawn points. Why in the fuck would they ever think it a good idea to spawn the other team behind you? It totally negates the idea of team work. In Halo, the best form of team work is to stick together and hold down a spot in the map. But here is the kicker, if you're holding a spot down, you are sure enough going to get picked off or beat down(or picked down and beat off? No?) and it is going to force your team to spread out, and cause your shitty people that you get matched up with to fend for themselves and essentially get destroyed(I refuse to use the word pwned, if that's how you spell it) and lose the game for you.

To continue with spawn points, why would you spawn someone in the middle of a battle? Why would you spawn someone next to a Warthog occupied by the other team and get gunned down by a turret? This shit just doesn't make any sense what so ever. I mean, I get they that they want to keep it random so people can't spawn kill, but in the campaign it refuses to spawn you in the middle of combat, WHY CAN'T THEY IMPLEMENT THAT INTO ONLINE PLAY?

Now, the dreaded "Noob Combo." The "Noob Combo" is when someone runs at you with a charger plasma pistol to take down your shield instantly then hit you once with a Battle Rifle. I realize they changed the pistol a little bit from Halo 2 so while your charging it, it wastes away, but still. Get rid of the fucking plasma pistol, that is it's only use and it pisses people off. Very seldom do you see people using it to power down a vehicle. GET RID OF IT!

Now on to EXP(Experience Points). This isn't really a big deal, it just annoys me because it gives shitty people the false hope that they are actually good. The way they do EXP now has taken all of the honor out of Brigadier status and General? I think that is the highest one. It is dumb for a few reasons. If you play enough games(Not sure on the amount) it will automatically move you up to this status. Halo should be like the workplace, just because you have been there forever doesn't necessarily mean you deserve a promotion. If Tommy Dumbshit has been muddling his way around the Mail Room for 30 years, you aren't going to promote him to President of the company just because he has been there the longest.

Another problem with EXP is quitters. If you quit, you lose an EXP. Yes, you're level goes down, BUT if you have very little EXP(which you will if you keep quitting) you level up a lot faster. So, if you're getting your ass whooped in a game, you're already going to level down, why not quit and lose an EXP so you can level up faster on wins. It also screws you over when someone is hell bent on getting their EXP down and their level up, so they get into your game, quit, and you're down a man and , more times than not, lose. It's fucked up.

Next, Smashed. The new level Bungie made, well, recreated out of Foundry. That map SUCKS SOMETHING FIERCE. If there was an award for worst map every constructed, this map would get it. That is all I'm saying about it. It's just shitty. Ok, that's all I'm going to say on it.

The Spartan Laser. Dumb weapon. Dumb, dumb weapon. In maps like Standoff, it is an unfair advantage. Well, I guess you can't really classify it as an advantage because both teams have an equal chance at getting it, but once that happens, the fun is over. There is no sniper in the map so all the guy with the laser does is stand in the back and dominate and is virtually untouchable. Please, just get rid of the laser. How will you destroy vehicles you ask? Easy, make the Rocket Launcher lock on to vehicles like it did in Halo 2. Much better weapon.

That is all for now, I guess. Whoever actually made it past this post's warning might have some questions. Why do I still play it if I have so many complaints? Easy, loyalty. I loved the first 2 and will never stop playing it, just want it fixed. And, I will probably get accused of just whining because it sounds like I am just getting my ass whooped in the game. No, I am complaining because it makes it boring. I have been on both the receiving end and the giving end and both are equally shitty. I've stood in the back with the laser a few times and dominated, it's just boring.

I am starting to think that Bungie has taken all their gamer's loyalty for granted. They knew a lot of them would still play it because of the Halo name, but they made it easier for people who suck at video games and this game in particular. This game is built for noobs and it's annoying.

I sure hope that Halo 3: ODST is better and more realistic since you are no longer a Spartan. Let us hope.

I know this wasn't as vulgar and full of swears like my previous gears posts, and for my fans, I apologize. The next one will be jam packed full of vulgarity and unpleasantness.

Kal El

Saturday, February 7, 2009



Seriously, are people really STILL surprised that every stud in baseball past and present was on steroids? Come the fuck on.

Can't we just assume every player is juicin' and just say fuck it and be done with it. No matter how many people get snitched on and how many sluggers go to court for it, they are still going to cheat to try to get that extra step. There is no way to stop them. As long as there are untraceable substances out there players are going to keep doing it. I know it's not right, but sadly, that is just baseball these days. I'm not proud to say that America's favorite pass time is filled with a bunch of cheaters, but it is, and snitching on a few all star sluggers and dragging it out for years and years(Barry Bonds) it's not going to end. So stop talking about it. FUCK!

Kal El

Monday, February 2, 2009

Welcome to Sixburgh!

No, I'm not a huge Steelers fan. Yes, I hate the Cardinals. Yes, I hate Kurt Warner(even more because right before the Super Bowl he started to talk about Spygate again and thinks the Rams should have won it over the Patriots even though they confirmed they didn't tape the walk through) Yes, I love Philadelphia. Yes, the Cardinals beat them to go to the Super Bowl. And yes, I can still be happy for the Sixburgh Steelers because they are from Pennsylvania so we can share some of the glory.

OH YEA! I ALMOST FORGOT! An Ohio State Buckeye caught the game winning touchdown!

OH YEA! I ALMOST FORGOT! An Ohio State Buckeye was the Super Bowl MVP!

So for Santonio Holmes, let's talk about championships he has won. He has one in every level he has played.
-High School State Championship.
-College National Championship(GO BUCKS!)
-NFL Super Bowl Championship(In which he was the MVP)

Come on all you Wolverines, I've already talked to many of you people, that's right, YOU PEOPLE, and they have agreed to give credit where credit was due.

Hey, what's there to be mad about, guys? At least Woodley(U of M) and Foote(U of M) caused and recovered that last fumble at the end. Also Woodley went to my Senior Prom in high school so I have to give him his props.

Also, since Matt has changed to that blog that I am 100% not a fan of, does anyone else(I suggest MLA) want to put all the blogroll updates on their side bar like the Artichoke(R.I.P.) used to have? I feel like I don't check blogs anymore if I don't have an update notification, yea, I'm lazy like that.

Kal El